Let's be honest, I'm a first time Mom; I had NO IDEA what to do with this child after I left the hospital. I envisioned I would be at home wrapping my little cherub up in a blanket and rocking him in my cozy brown glider while lullabys played in the background. I DID NOT envision getting my hair literally pulled out, being peed on 72 times a day, having my face scratched with his RAZOR nails, NUCLEAR blowouts, or him sucking on my chin with his baby shark teeth. The list goes on.
Nevertheless, in these moments of chaos I have had more "Momfessional Moments" than I care to admit. In fact, I'm not gonna admit all of them, but I'll try to be as honest as I can without ya'll taking me to court.
1) So first of all, in all the bundles of things people told me I "NEEDED" as a new mom, no one told me I needed to put a full size trash can in my car. As we are out and about, Lil G obviously needs diaper changes. If we were on a stroll or a place where a trash can was not near, I'd throw his lil pampers in the bottom of the stroller and then into the trunk when we got to the car. Let's just say I've forgotten/neglected to clean out the trunk a couple times. This earned me a couple lectures from J. To quote my BFF Meg: "Ain't nobody got time for that!"
2) New to me also was the car seat prep before taking off with my little one in the back. Multiple times we've been out and about and I've unstrapped Lil G from his carseat to change his diaper or something. When I'd get home, I'd see that I forgot to buckle him back in! (I know, both my mom and mother in law are gasping and shaking their finger at me right now! I'm sorry!) I literally teared up the first time this happened and after a couple more times, I finally taped a BRIGHT orange sign on my steering wheel that says: "Is Greyson strapped in?" Hasn't happened since.
3) Now that I am usually always in tow with the babe, I feel like I'm almost ALWAYS bouncing with him, swaying, or even rolling the grocery buggy back and forth to keep him soothed/distracted, etc. (Really, why is that, if someone did that to me I think I'd be sick to my stomach all day!) Anyway, Jeremie noticed one night as I was talking to him AFTER Greyson was in bed that I was justa bouncing back and forth like I had a ghost baby on my hip. We laughed so hard! Since then, I've also noticed that I was rolling the buggy back and forth when Greyson wasn't with me! Ha! I'm sure I got some weird looks, but I'm sure I got an Amen from all the mamas in the house. Speaking of grocery buggy shenanigans, I actually did stop in an aisle the other night, walk to the shelf to grab something, put it in my buggy and kept rolling. Except it wasn't my buggy. Girlfriend had to trot down the aisle and catch me as I rolled away with her purse and groceries! Ha!
4) Greyson has started to eat some solids, which I have to say has been super fun! At our 4 month check up, the pediatrician said when I was ready I could start with some whole grain cereal. My mom brain heard whole wheat cereal and the next day after Greyson pooped FOUR TIMES IN A ROW, I thought something might be wrong. So I called the nurse. And she straightened me out. The bad news is that Greyson really shouldn't have had whole wheat until about 9 months. The good news is that now we know he's not allergic to wheat.
5) Greyson LOVES to ride. We learned early that a good car ride or stroll will put our little cherub to sleep. Better believe that in the shivering days of winter I moved furniture and we "strolled" every day in a circle around the dining room and kitchen. #anythingforanap #strollforthewin
6) About a month ago, Greyson was NOT sleeping well (like up every 3 hours again) and on top of it he got a cold and ear infection back to back. Mama was TIRED. Mama need a few minutes to herself. So after Jeremie got home one afternoon, I headed to the pharmacy to pick up his antibiotics. There was a cupcake store on the way. And I swerved in that thing with smoke behind my tires. The nice fella behind the counter asked what I needed. I told him (in a very threatening voice probably) that I needed a chocolate cupcake and I needed to eat it ALONE in my car. I sat back, took a big breath, and enjoyed my 3 minutes of solitude while I ate my cupcake.
So that's it! Like I said, there's probably way more that I'm not willing to own up to or I have already forgotten about. That's the good thing about mommy mistakes. You hate making them, but you're so tired, you forget about them so quickly that it doesn't bother you for very long! Ha!
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