Jeremie and I love celebrating all the holidays, and the Fourth is no exception. We wanted to be in the sun, near the water, like all Americans. Since we don't really have any friends here to mooch a boat off of yet, skiing or tubing was out of the question. So the closest option was floating in a tube down the river. We found a great place to go about an hour from here, that boasts of beautiful nature and crystal clear water that will lazily take you downstream for about 4 miles. So we loaded up and headed there just in time to get in between a group of about 100 high school students and 20 Florida State students who were there to PARTY. In fact, I think their party had already begun, and it was only 9:00 a.m.
Jeremie and I "upgraded" to the "Cadillac" tubes (that's right, we're not cheap) so we would have an even more effortless float. We dropped off in the river and the adventure began. We quickly learned that our upgrade was a complete waste of money. Our high class tubes, if you will, were so extremely large that they were too heavy for the "lazy float" we envisioned. It was CONSTANT paddling, as the sweet little river was crooked as a snake. Every time we got relaxed for a couple of minutes, we'd be floating off into the brush where God knows what was waiting to bite or eat us. (Flashes of the movie Anaconda were going through my head.) Jeremie was also "spotting alligators" which totally freaked me out. The other floaters with their cheap Wal-Mart tubes were making fun of us and we knew it. As if we hadn't worked hard enough, we came to a place in the river that had a fallen tree across it. And I don't mean a limb you can avoid. The options were: get off your tube and CLIMB over the tree or go under water and swim under the tree. I opted to climb over. Jeremie, always the challenger, swam under. I cleared the tree like a cat, no problem. The problem was getting back on the tube, b/c the water was so deep that there was nothing to push off of. Everytime I got half way on, I'd slip off, and it would flip over my head. (If you are imagining this in your mind, yes, I look an idiot.) Jeremie thought it was humorous, which made me even more mad. The longer I couldn't get on my tube and control it, the closer I became to the gator waiting for me in the brush. So, like any normal girl, I freaked out. I tried jumping on the tube viciously, with no success. We were now in shallow water, and feeling the gooey mush touch my feet freaked me out even more. I was a mess. Flip flops went flying. Sunscreen was gone. Jeremie was yelling. I even lost my swimsuit cover. By the grace of God I somehow got back into my tube. But I was exhausted, mad, and DONE for the day. Jeremie was embarrased. He gave me a lecture about how to "chill out" and survive in moments of distress.
By this time, we had met the larger river, which was a much more pleasant floating experience. I actually felt like this could salvage the day and my sanity. We were finally able to relax and enjoy the nature. Ya know, listen to the birds chirp, the flow of the water, and most entertaining, the stories of our fellow floaters in front of us. They were aparently comparing tattoos, updating on who got what and where. One of the young ladies in the group described the quality of her "first husband's" tattoo, but her friend quickly trumped her and stating that HER friend had showed her his latest tattoo and it was "the best jailhouse tattoo I've eva seen" .......
Jeremie and I looked at each other with the "did we hear that right?" face.....
The trip was not quite what we expected, but certainly entertaining and a hilarious memory. If you've never floated down the river, just do it once in your life. I can promise you, it'll be an unforgettable memory.
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