Twenty-Twenty {For the Record}: January

Well, here we are on the cusp of a NEW YEAR. And even though I realize that this DUMPSTER FIRE will not end at the stroke of midnight on December 31st, I for one, cannot wait to EXIT STAGE LEFT this year that we call 2020. I have so many thoughts that I cannot even wrap them into words, but hopefully I can at some point. 

In the meantime, I REFUSE to let the most memorable year get away from me again without recording some of it. I love documenting our lives here, (it's mainly for my own benefit, but I love sharing), and I have let busy-ness and distraction get in the way for almost 2 years now.  

So I'm gonna REACH back to January and try to go month by month before we ring in the new year. 

There's nothing like the last minute, right?

I'm looking at January and just LAUGHING at how "cute" the new year seemed. How innocent we were about what was coming for us in a matter of weeks. The normal things we were doing....

Greyson had an "alphabet parade" at school...and of the dozens of darling costumes he has, he made me print out a paper mask of "Jango Fett" from Star Wars...

Taylor was rocking school too in her leopard print...

She enjoyed her new big girl chair she got for Christmas...

And they ate many breakfasts and snacks at the new "Diner" they got for Christmas...

We went to birthday parties and our favorite, Playstreet Museum for open play...

We made random costumes on demand...

We hung out at the playground....

I accompanied these two little munchkins in "Chapel" at school (these two buddies have the same birthday) 

Taylor got her first haircut...

And started throwing her first tantrums...

But it's hard to stay mad long...

We even made it to our favorite winter tradition...the Fort Worth Stock Show.  Usually we go to the rodeo too, but weren't able to get tickets this year because of the new venue. But we still had an awesome time seeing all the animals and walking around. The smell of a barn just takes me right back to my sheep and pig showing days! I love it! Greyson even checked something off his resolution list...Riding a Horse! 

In late January we found a "farm" property to look.  It has always been our dream since moving to the city to have a place to get away in the country. We miss it and would love to expose our kids to some of the "country life" that we grew up with. We absolutely fell in love with this place. It was 65 acres of pure heaven.  NO LIE, the property line was actually in the shape of Mississippi and in a town called Taylortown. It was like the Good Lord put it right in our laps. We made an offer, it was accepted, and we were set to close March 13th, just 3 weeks after of Jeremie's 40th birthday. 

I feel like you already know the end of the story. If you didn't catch the foreshadowing: SPOILER ALERT...we did not get it. COVID-19 stole that dream about 48 hours before we made it to the closing table. But I'll unravel that story over the next few posts. 

I took these pictures on the way back from seeing that property for the first time. I was in utter awe of the picture God painted in the sky that afternoon. I'm still in awe of how Sovereign He is and has been over this whole year that felt out of control. Even thoughI have been a "a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind" (James 1:6), He has remained the same. 

                                         

And on a lighter note, this was literally the last picture I took in January! I LAUGHED OUT LOUD when I saw this! I took a picture of this song that was playing for my college room mate as an inside joke, but BOY, could it not be more appropriate for what was coming in 2020! 

And that was JANUARY! Stay tuned for February, the month that I shall forever call "Ignorance Is Bliss!" : )  

Raise Your Hand If You're Struggling

It happened yesterday. I finally broke down. I could feel it coming. In fact, I was shocked it took me three weeks to cry, being the FEELER that I am.

I was simply trying to make some homemade pizza dough. Even though this Friday felt the exact same as every one of the last three Fridays, I was gonna make this a FUN FRIDAY FAMILY NIGHT whether we liked it or not, gosh darn it.

Yet when I reached for the can of evaporated milk that my Grammy’s recipe calls for, it was nowhere to be found. A staple in my pantry, now missing. So as any normal person would do three weeks in to a global pandemic, I LOST IT. I bawled my eyes out.  Kleenex after valuable Kleenex, the tears kept coming.

My husband, completely unaware, walked in the back door, and stopped dead in his tracks. You know how men get we cry….that OH-CRAP-Deer-In-The-Headlight Look. He asked me what was wrong and I just spewed ALL THE THINGS I feel.

I FEEL SAD.

Mainly I feel SAD. And it’s so multi-layered and sporadic because I’m sad about the BIG stuff, the little stuff and everything in between. One minute I’m weeping over doctors, nurses, first responders and critically ill, and the next I’m heartbroken over telling my son we’re not going to Disney. Within the same hour, I’m in despair over an article about the rise in child abuse cases and minutes later I’m crying over decorations I found for my little girl’s birthday party that we had to cancel.  I get sad thinking about the nursing homes, about people who lost their jobs, their retirement, about kids that depend on school for most of their meals, about people that can’t get the medical help they need, about families that will never be the same because of this. I’m sad that my husband is in the next room racking his brain about the decisions he can make to keep his company alive. I’m sad that t-ball, and Bible Study, and family vacations, and Easter plans are cancelled. I’m sad that I can’t HUG MY FRIENDS because I’m from the South and THAT’S WHAT WE DO when things get bad.

I FEEL OVERWHELMED.

Seemingly overnight, I feel like I became a homeschool teacher, a grocery strategist, and a full-time cook. It seems like the housework, the meals, and especially the trash has doubled. The amount of housework I do and the state of my house just doesn’t make sense.

I’m overwhelmed by all the information. The “Daily Schedules”, the suggestions, tips, resources, the ideas of activities to do at home. Please don’t get me wrong, I LOVE all these things, but when it all hit my Inbox and Newsfeed in the matter of 72 hours, it was just too much. I know that wasn’t what ANY of these posts intended. But remember that feeling when EVERYONE was posting their New Year’s resolution and you got that antsy feeling that you’re sort of an underachiever if you didn’t jump on board? That’s how I feel.  I feel like I’m supposed to be bursting with positivity, a quarantine bucket list, and that my kids are supposed to have a new-found love of crafting all day.

I’m overwhelmed with the needs of my people. All the needs. All the time. With young children, there is just so much physical need. This crisis has definitely revealed selfishness in me, but at the same time there is only so much of myself I can give each day. Regardless of how carefully I plan for downtime, there is always someone that needs to poop, needs to "tell me something", needs a snack, a breathing treatment, a snack, a diaper change, a favorite toy, a snack, a costume Velcro-ed, a snack, a different dose of medicine, a snack, a bath. DID I MENTION A SNACK???!!!

There is always something that needs doing and I finish the day utterly exhausted. To be super honest, (and if you’re a parent, you’ll understand) I’m overwhelmed by not knowing when I will really get a break.  

But ultimately, I’m overwhelmed by this virus in general. I’m overwhelmed by the stats, the precautions, the wiping down of every item that comes through my front door. I feel like my brain is on crisis mode, and I’m anticipating the next announcement, the next move I need to make to be “ready” for the next phase. And that leads me to my next feeling….

I FEEL OUT OF CONTROL.

I think we could all agree that this is the most uncomfortable feeling in all the world. Being out of control is just against our human nature, period.

I don’t feel in control of hardly anything these days. I have no control over the pandemic. I have no control over some of the heartbreaking situations that I mentioned above. I have no control over ventilator or mask production or toilet paper supply. I have no control over how this could affect my own parents or grandparents. I have no control over how much this will affect our family financially. I have no control over how long this will continue. I have no control over when or if school will start again and apparently, I have no control over my two-year old’s epic tantrums. And even though I take all precautions, I still don’t have complete control over the safety of my family. We could simply go check the mail and be exposed.

But perhaps WORST of all, I have no control over how devastating this will be.  And I think everyone would agree, that is excruciating to think about.

And I think that’s why I broke over a missing ingredient for my pizza dough. The evaporated milk was just the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back, if you will. I broke over the loss of control. Our homemade pizza party was the one tiny thing I felt like I could control that day to bring joy to the gloom that loomed over us. And I couldn’t even control that.

_____________________________________________

So where do I go from here? (Because clearly, there is not enough Kleenex in the supply chain to go through a box every day until the end of this crisis.)  I’m no therapist, but boy it certainly felt good to name these feelings and get them out. After I had my little break down, I stumbled upon this article that helped me label my feelings as GRIEF. I never imagined that the diagnosis of grief would be so relieving. It’s like I finally got the green light to grieve all the things I mentioned earlier, even though some may carry more weight than others. I did not think that I, a healthy, non-exposed person who doesn’t live in a high-risk area that has a fully stocked pantry was allowed to grieve. Because, even though it’s well-intentioned, there are people who will say I should be more grateful, that I shouldn’t complain, because “things could be worse.” While I agree that considering those with tougher circumstances can really change your perspective, this can sound really dismissive. And ultimately, if you think about the worst thing you’ve ever been through, if you really stretched your imagination, couldn’t it ALWAYS be worse? If we always operated with this mindset, we would never grieve, and I think we can all agree, that is certainly unhealthy. I fully desire to be someone who is thankful and “joyful despite circumstances”, not fueled by the guilty reminder that “it could be worse.”  It is possible to be counting your blessings yet sad about circumstances at the same time.

The other takeaway from the article is that “Emotions Need Motion”. 

My faith directs me to take all my emotions to The Lord. And I’m telling you, I’ve been praying, I’ve been reading the Bible, I’ve been serving in the places I can, and everything still felt out of reach for lack of better words. I felt like a spinning top, not being able to grasp my focus. From a spiritual perspective, it’s like I just couldn’t “land the plane” on something solid, even though I know where solid ground is.

But on one particular Zoom call this week, someone brought up the verse “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently on Him. (Psalm 37:7.)

Honestly, I’ve read that verse before, but I didn’t even remember that “being still” was an option.  We live in such an instant loving, plan-of-action, self-help culture, and I am the first to admit I fly the “Check that Box” flag proudly. I can handle a situation if you just give me the parameters and a time frame.  But now I realize that my feelings about a global pandemic just can’t be band-aided with positive thinking, a bunch of coffee cup verses, and daily color-coded schedules.

I wish I could say I had some sort of “action plan” now, but I do not. I’m settling on the fact that the motion to my emotions is to just be still. And being still doesn’t mean that I do nothing (I still have a circus to run, folks), nor does it mean that I put blinders on. I can’t dive in to the biblical definition of this (there are much smarter people on this) but from what I can tell, it simply means to stop trying to work things out on your own and listen for God.

There will be days I’ll wake up feeling overwhelmed and ill-equipped. There will be days that I totally blow it. I’ll give up trying to create it for myself because after some really long hamster-wheel-spinning days over the past 4 weeks, I realized I can’t do any of it on my own power.

I’ll wait for Him for comfort, for clarity, for physical, mental and emotional strength.  I’m obediently trusting the same God that has been Sovereign since the beginning of time.

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

Our Ozark Adventure!

October and November showed us WHO'S BOSS for sure.  It was full of good things, so I'm trying to back up and catch up!

Ever since trekking to Fayetteville last year to watch The Dogs play the Hogs, we have been dying to go back to Arkansas! We fell in love with the rolling hills and Ozark Mountains and knew this would be the perfect place for our next family vacation! 

Y'all know me.  I did all the research throughout the year and finally found the perfect lodging for the Wells Family 2.0! (It was certainly different having to consider a new baby in the mix. We are professionals at squeezing a pack-n-play hotel closets and bathrooms, but TWO kids is a little more to consider.)

And despite whatever impression or stereotype you have about Arkansas (I can say this because people do the same thing to Mississippi), it is the most beautiful place with the friendliest people and SO much to do! Honestly, there were several things we didn't make it to because we couldn't squeeze one more activity into our schedule! 

We stayed in Ft. Smith last year because we went at the last minute and all the hotels in Fayetteville were booked up! But I'm so happy we did because we simply fell IN LOVE with this historic town. My grandfather was actually based at the military fort there years ago. The Historic District has a military park with the original fort, some cannons, museums, and the most adorable park called The Park at West End with a Ferris wheel and other rides.  So we intentionally spent the night in Ft. Smith  to go to the park, but sadly, our first day of travel was POURING down rain.  So we ate at a delicious family Italian restaurant called Joe's Pizza and Pasta and headed out for Eureka Springs the next morning!  

Greyson will be the most seasoned hotel child ever! I'm almost glad he practically lived in one the first few months of his life! Buddy loves a rolling cart.

The weather was perfection the next day when we arrived in Eureka Springs. I can't say enough how absolutely adorable this town is. The history, the architecture, the personality is unlike anything I've ever seen! People flocked to this town in the 1800's due to the legendary "healing powers" of the natural springs and waters.  Eventually,  the wealthy came to Eureka Springs to "show off" and consequently, it is a mecca of gorgeous and intricate Victorian homes. 

Since we knew there was a ton of history behind this town, we started with a narrated trolley tour when we arrived! We love starting any trip with at tram or trolley tour to just get a good overview of the town and spot places we might like to go back to! The kids shockingly did great. (I was nervous, because it was a 90 minute tour and 90 minutes of ANYTHING is like eternity for a toddler.) 

                                          

It was really hard taking pictures of the town because it was tight quarters, but GOODNESS. It is SO CUTE.  The town is literally carved into the mountains and winds around so the streets are almost on top of each other! Some of the houses look like regular homes but hang off the mountain so they are really 4 and 5 story homes! Can't be captured in pictures anyway, so you'll just have to go yourself! ; ) 

Thanks UPS man for ruining my shot.

This is the historic Crescent Hotel (we actually stayed on this property but in a cabin).  Greyson called it the "castle" and it was QUITE the history of serving as hotel, hospital, and yes, event asylum.  No surprise that it's super spooky and supposedly very haunted. (We didn't get to go on a ghost tour, but they hosted many!) It was beautiful inside and had a gorgeous balcony that overlooked the mountains.

The springs were beautiful but not exactly what I expected.  There IS a spring where there is a pool that people still "dip" in, but we didn't see that one.  This was the Grotto Spring that we got to inside.  Greyson loved it. 

After the Trolley tour, we checked into our cabin which was just a short stroll from The Crescent Hotel. And it was even much larger in person! Super happy with it, so if you take a family vacation, these cottages are the PERFECT size! We had two bedrooms and two bathrooms, one of course turned into Taylor's nursery. : ) We were on the lower level cottage so we even had our own personal elevator which was probably Greyson's favorite feature. We did a lot of relaxing on the deck and in the hot tub after our long days of pushing strollers and herding little ones.

That night, we were worn out from traveling and unpacking (I seriously felt like I unpacked our whole lives), so we ordered pizza from the hotel and snuggled up for story time.  This was the first time we didn't bring an air mattress for Greyson; he got his own room which happened to have a king sized bed. He thought that and the 52 adorning pillows on the bed were the most amazing thing ever. We did so many fun things on this trip, but little thrills like this are the best memories.

The next day was FREEZING so we actually ventured to War Eagle Cavern for Greyson's first cave tour! (After all, it's a constant 58 degrees in the cavern, much warmer than the 42 degrees outside!)  This little place was so darling.  The people were so friendly, the tour was short and sweet, and the cave was beautiful. There were supposed to be bats in the cave, but much to Greyson's disappointment (and my COMPLETE JOY) they had not flown in that day. (Let's just ponder what those bats are dropping as they fly over your head.) Taylor was a trooper and just hung out (literally) in her carrier. We also got to do a little "gold mining" which just thrilled Lil' G, since he is a big fan of Gold Rush. Our little bag of dirt JUST HAPPENED to to be FILLED with treasures.  Wink wink.

Greyson picked out a little stuffed eagle we named "Clifty" (the name of a town we passed by on the way) and we bought Taylor a wolf ("Wolfie") that she snuggled up to pretty quick.  As we left the cave, I turned around and saw my two little blessings back there holding their new stuffed animals and I ABOUT DIED.  My heart just melted.

Afterwards, we headed to War Eagle Mill which is a an old grist mill in a beautiful red barn with a cozy restaurant upstairs.  They were days away from their annual craft show, which apparently HUNDREDS of thousands from all over the country turn out for.  Fortunately, we made it before the crowds and got some delicious bean soup and blackberry cobbler. The grounds and drive in were breathtaking!

That was about as much as we could pack into that day, so that night Jeremie made his famous oven  s'mores and off to bed we went! 

The next morning we all had fancy breakfast at the "castle" and headed downtown to explore Eureka Springs and do a little shopping.  

I will admit that Downtown Eureka Springs is not the most stroller friendly area.  The sidewalks were bumpy and hilly (cuz, duh, we were in the mountains) and all the shops were really close quarters for little ones.  But we had a great time.  And since the kids had missed a lot of naps the past couple of days, we had a low key day and back to the cabin for naps!

The next day we were up and at 'em and headed out for Silver Dollar City which is an amusement park in Branson, about an hour drive. I can't even begin to describe how AMAZING AND FUN this place is!!! Think Cracker Barrel meets Six Flags.  It's like a country-themed amusement park that is nestled in the trees.  It is SO toddler friendly! Greyson rode rides almost all day! There were also shows that we didn't make it to and an underground cave that is supposed to be beautiful, but we simply ran out of time! And we pretty much opened the park up at 10:30 ish and closed it down at 6:00.  The weather was PERFECT and it was probably one of my favorite days of parenting ever.

They had a whole store devoted to costumes which was Greyson's dream come true.  He picked out a jet pack to go with his Astronaut suit. 

Greyson's favorite area was a brand new exhibit called Fireman's Landing.  There were all types of fireman related rides and a huge indoor feature that had balls that you shoot out of big fire hoses.  It was SHEER CRAZY but he loved it!

This treehouse feature called the "Half Dollar Holler" was INCREDIBLE! Greyson climed, ran, crawled and jumped until he couldn't anymore.

The old me would have NEVER attempted taking a 6 month old to an all-day amusement park, but I'm so glad we went; we had the best time and it's a memory I'll always hold dear! This place is the PERFECT family destination!

                                             

The Lord ended a perfect day with a perfect sunset on the drive back.

                                   


BUT.....if you told me I had to do it again the next day, I'd die.  My body was SO TIRED. We definitely milked the hot tub that night!

The next day we decided to go for a more relaxing vibe, and headed to Dogwood Canyon Nature Preserve. This was a lucky online find, and it ended up being one of our favorites! It is a 10,000 acre nature preserve tucked in between mountains and owned by the founder of Bass Pro Shops. We lucked up and got on a morning wildlife tour. (Sidestory: They were all booked up online, so I called first thing in the morning and they said they had opened one up, but it left in an hour.  Y'all.  It was a forty minute drive there. We were literally still in our pajamas.  But we moved FASTER THAN LIGHTNING and got out the door in 10 MINUTES. TEN MINUTES with two kids.  I think we should win the Nobel Prize for that.) Anyway, the wildlife tour was amazing; we saw elk, bison, longhorn, and even a bald eagle, the real life "Clifty".

The grounds were BREATHTAKING. Seriously, it's the one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. There was a restaurant on the property, an amazing treehouse that Greyson LOVED, and a neat learning center inside with all kinds of fun and educational stuff for the kids.  (And of course a gift shop where Greyson picked out a sweatshirt with horns on it that said "I'm a Deer.")

This is a real life eagle's nest! HUGE!

I love that the people who offered to snap our picture got a "Before" and "After".

At the end of the day, EVERYBODY was tired.

On the way back we stopped by the Christ of the Ozark statue which is located on the grounds of The Great Passion Play. (Which I would love to see, but the kids are a little young for.)  It was beautiful and much larger in real life than I expected! 

I can't help when I look at this to think of the verse:  Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

We had one last dinner at the Rooftop Restaurant at the castle, and here's how Taylor handled it: 

The next day we packed up the car to head out! It was RAINING, but we didn't let it stop us from one more excursion! We just can't pass up a train ride, so we boarded the steam engine at the ES&NA Railway and took about an hour ride down the tracks.

This train depot was originally built in 1872! It was gorgeous.

This is probably my favorite family pic from the trip! ; ) 

ALL ABOARD! 

We did stop in Rogers, Arkansas on the way out, which is another adorable town that I wish we'd had more time to explore! We ate lunch at the most amazing grilled cheese restaurant called Hammontree's Grilled Cheese (I'm hungry just thinking about it) and then took Greyson to the Daisy Airgun Museum  (think The Christmas Story).  Greyson was IN HEAVEN and picked out his very first BB gun. He was so excited; I can't believe I didn't get any pictures!!!

We stopped again to spend the night in Ft. Smith, because it was late by then.  Again, more rain, so I guess we'll just have to go back so we can go the Park at West End one day!

The next day we took our weary bodies back to Texas...

                                                       

......and as always, there's no place like home.

We had the most amazing time though; it was the perfect first vacation as a family of four! And honestly, I think we could do another Arkansas trip just based off the things we found while we were there! And I can't believe I'm saying this, but I definitely want to make a trip to Branson now! The whole area is just super relaxed and family friendly!

There's nothing I love more than making memories, and we certainly did just that! I have a million more pictures, but I'll try to contain myself!

Will try to catch up soon with the rest of this crazy month!