Thursday, May 18, 2017

10 Ways You Know You're Potty Training

I know I've really been hovering around the potty training topic quite a bit lately, and I'm sorry. Well, not really.  This is my life right now. I feel like the potty emoji will probably sum up 2017 for me. Those of you are tired of hearing about, STOP READING and click the little X on your browser. Otherwise, welcome to my world, friends. If you are potty training, I feel like you'll share the same sentiments.

So here we go!

1) You've spent just as much money on character underwear as you did on diapers. Maybe more. Listen. I started out frugal and would faithfully hose down underwear at the end of the day. But some are just unredeemable.  Especially when you're away from the house. That's NOT coming home with me. Once less trip to Chic-Fil-A would buy us a brand new 10 pack.

2) You post about your child's potty victories on Social Media. Can I just say I'M SORRY for judging you parents in my pre-baby life for sharing with the world that Little Johnny went potty at school? But really- THAT IS A BIG DEAL. When people get promotions or land a big deal at work, that is certainly social media worthy. Well, this is MY job. So when we have victories, I wanna shout it from the rooftops too.

3) You ride around with a portable potty in the back of your car. When I lifted the gate at my Wal-Mart grocery pickup the other day, the guy had a questionable look on his face when he loaded all my groceries right beside the mini-squatter. I'm sure that breaks all kind of health-code standards, but hey-it's saved me more than once and Lysol wipes can work wonders.

4) You alert EVERYONE that YOU have to potty. I say to Greyson "Tell me BEFORE you have to go potty" SO MUCH that I think I've picked up this habit through osmosis. I was literally in the middle of a conversation with my girls at church the other day and I interrupted and said "I have to go potty"...and they were like "Thanks for letting us know."

5) When you go out in public you IMMEDIATELY eye ALL potty locations like the Exit doors on a plane. 

6) You have STRATEGY meetings with your spouse that rivals the White House Situation Room. Negative reinforcement? Positive Reinforcement? Time Out? Spankings? Ice Cream? Let him follow his own body signals or take him every 30 minutes? Which wire should we cut? AS IF WE HAD ANY CONTROL OVER THIS SITUATION.

7) You sing the Daniel Tiger Potty song to yourself when YOU have to potty. SERIOUSLY, I woke up in the middle of the night recently and had to use the bathroom, and I was SINGING THE POTTY SONG IN MY HEAD. "If you gotta go potty STOP and go right away....flush and wash and be on your way..."

8) You CRINGE when a person tells you: "Honey, I promise, he won't be 16 and still pooping in his pants".  I totally get their point, but my initial reaction is WELL HE BETTER NOT BE. In fact, he better not be FOUR and still pooping in his pants. I realize that people are trying to point out that in the long run, these months are peanuts. But I'm in the trenches, and to reference 13 YEARS AWAY seems like a million to me right now. I need solutions and answers and a lot more patience.

9) You haven't moved this fast since high school.  When I see that look on Greyson's face; I am like the SPEED OF LIGHT.

10) You carry latex gloves in your bag. For those special toys that get dropped into public potties. That's ALL I'm gonna say about that.

Okay! So know you know! I'd LOVE to hear some of yours! Have a great day and may the potty odds be ever in your favor!

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